WU LYF, 21 March 2012

Went to watch WU LYF at Heaven on Wednesday night and it was so, so so good. Didn't listen to them until Zix asked me to go along for the gig and I think I love them now. I love having friends who have good taste in EVERYTHING!!!

Things like this just happen

You send a text and feel a bit badly that the red light on your Blackberry doesn't go off for the next one and a half hours even though you were glancing at it every 2 minutes or something despite trying not to procrastinate. When you pick up your phone you realize it was on phone calls only and that you have like fifteen new emails, two BBM alerts and that reply you were waiting for actually came an hour and twenty six minutes ago.

Now it is past two in the morning and even though you reply straightaway in massive guilt you know the other person probably thinks you were ignoring the text on purpose and you also know you can't really expect them to reply any sooner than you did... so you just sit around and feel annoyed at yourself for being

1. stupid
2. psychotic
3. sad.

Happy Pills, Barcelona

 
 

Happy pills for cheap thrills

Take me to the candy shop:

Barcelona, Spain

- Acrs 6, 08002
- Aregnteria 70, 08003
- Rambla Catalunya 14, 08007
- Avda. Diagonal 557, 08029

“People always say that it’s harder to heal a wounded heart than a wounded body. Bullshit. It’s exactly the opposite – a wounded body takes much longer to heal. A wounded heart is nothing but ashes of memories. But the body is everything. The body is blood and veins and cells and nerves. A wounded body is when, after leaving a man you’ve lived with for three years, you curl up on your side of the bed as if there’s still somebody beside you. That is a wounded body: a body that feels connected to someone who is no longer there.” 

20 Fragments of a Ravenous Youth – Xiaolu Guo

Mid-March

I have been really happy and eating a lot and having mad fun busy weekends every single weekend for the last month plus, but recently I keep feeling a huge gnawing ache from the fact that I haven't made it to any of the exhibitions on my to-do list this year, including Gerhard Richter which is now over.

It really cut me up when I realised that I had missed it. I can't say that I'm an expert or enthusiast about his work, or art in general, but I was looking forward to it for so long and there was nothing stopping me from going except pure laziness and stupid distractions. Being bored = not doing something interesting. Opportunity cost here is not only the time wasted but the possible fun/enrichment gained from doing something interesting. Doing what you want to do.

This feeling of urgency and desire for immediacy is taking over my brain, it runs through everything I do in my life these days. The night before I wrote this down and stuck it to my wall:

INCONTINENCE IS LAME

WHEN YOU DO NOT DO 

WHAT YOU CAN AND 

SHOULD DO THEN 

YOU ARE DEFINITELY 

FUCKED FOR LIFE

With that in mind I am making a list of what I want to and will do this Spring, hopefully in pleasant weather and more importantly with good company

1. Yayoi Kusama @ Tate Modern: Now - 5 June
2. Lucien Freud @ National Portrait Gallery : Now - 27 May
3. David Shrigley, Jeremy Deller @ Hayward Gallery : Until 13 May
4. Horiyoshi III @ Somerset House : 21 Mar - 1 July
5. Hampstead Heath
6. Primrose Hill
7. Burger & Lobster
8. Clean my roof (buy chillchairs)

That's all that I can think of now hopefully will add more in later days.

the power of pms

today so far:

- econ lecture, squinting at the whiteboard. was convinced that lecturer was stoned on weed or tranquilizers, couldn't think of any other way to explain his inability to teach anything useful in a 2 hour session
- sat with jinny in the front row after the break, hopes of new and useful knowledge slowly crushed as the minutes passed and lecturer continued drawing un-useable graphs and beating around general knowledge type of points
- depressing ass class in global justice, feels like philosophical discussion goes nowhere, wish we could talk about solutions or at least something positive, because there will obviously never be a perfect argument or basis for empirical work, but problems are still there, and solutions are not
- after class went to tesco
- found out that normal magnum ice cream bars were out of stock
- came home and started on whisky braised pork
- felt trapped and mildly stressed out cooking prawn noodle soup and braised pork simultaneously for two guilt-motivated meal debts
- peeled potatoes, found green/grey spots in 3 of them, felt depressed about how even the most unethically and inorganically processed groceries are still fucked up
- adding on to 2 dishes started cooking lunch
- overdid tagliatele by a minute, turned out softer than al dente and a bit sticky which I really hate
- went into a restless self-loathing mood, decided to go out for coffee
- chilling at Colville Place severely dampened by discussion of central Africa's problems and how reality crushes ideals
- relatively clean but messy looking man put down a paper bag on the bench next to me then walked to the dustbin
- seemed rather conscientious holding a newspaper, imagined he was disposing of some litter responsibly
- realised he was homeless because his clothes and briefs were falling out of the bag.
- realised he was going through the trash and not actually disposing of some litter responsibly
- walked away and sat in front of a playground that looks awesome but is restricted to children only
- wondered what kind of sick country forbids adults from entering playgrounds
- pedophiles must be really rampant or something here
- went to tesco again
- saw that the price of balhsen leibniz biscuits increased from 75p to 1.69 pounds
- bought 2 boxes anyway, bought some kit kats in the hope that my flatmates and i will eventually overcome our now expensive addiction
- came home to the smell of smoke
- opened kitchen door to a smoke cloud and a pot of burnt pork
- wasted pork broth putting out the heat which only generated more smoke, not to mention the fact that the burnt stew contained all the Jack Daniel's and soy sauce we had left in the house
- felt a bit like crying, thought very briefly about killing myself
- contemplated the incredible stupidity and lameness of crying over burnt pork and how difficult it would be to explain to my friends and family if i died like this

Pogge

Entire house filling up with fumes from boiling prawn heads and shells. Getting depressed from Global Justice and Health readings and the realization that we all harm each other in direct or indirect ways unless we are the ones who are harmed so severely that we lack access to the instruments and institutions that inflict or reinforce harm on others.

How does this all connect to my stupid little life with all its stupid little problems.. 20% of the world lives in abject poverty on less than $1USD a day, 50% on less than $2. It's hard not to feel disgusted with myself and the frivolous crap I think about 99% of the time. And what's the point of being educated if I simply join the institutions and support the world order that has brought about the vast injustices that cause countless deaths daily and ruin entire countries.

I really wish I could think of some sort of resolution or a good way to end this.

fuckin luvit

Guy Fawkes '11

4th November 2011

Everything's Amazing and Nobody's Happy