Sometimes

Sometimes you think all you want is somebody who knows what kind of toilet paper you like but it's a big world out there, and lots of people might know what kind of toilet paper you like but they'll be wrong for you in so many ways you can't even imagine. Some people might even just think they know what kind of toilet paper you like, when really, they have no idea at all.

And there's going to be somebody who has no idea what kind of toilet paper you like. But you think well, this is going to be the person who's going to find out for himself, what kind of toilet paper I like. After spending a long time together you think to yourself, well, surely by now he knows what kind of toilet paper I like. How could he not? It's the only thing in the world that I think is important. It's a warm and fuzzy thought, and you go to bed, peaceful in the knowledge that you're one of the lucky ones who found somebody who know what kind of toilet paper you like.

The next morning you put on your glasses and walk into the toilet to brush your teeth. You notice that there's a fresh roll of toilet paper next to the toilet bowl. 

Then it all comes crashing down on you as you realise... what the fuck... who the fuck bought... TESCO VALUE TOILET TISSUE??????!!!!

It's very simple. It's never simple.

Whatever looks like the most obvious way to get what you want is definitely not what you should be doing right now. If success is sure, you've already won. Move on. Whatever you go out to collect will waste your time and weigh you down.

I went to lunch with a group of young people just like me. Out of 12 people at the table nobody was happy except for those who had found a way out and were grateful for that.

Every hour and every day I change my mind about what I need to do to achieve what I want out of life including happiness and success. The end goal doesn't change, but the near term stuff does all the time. The worst thing is how resolute I feel about it each time, and how hard I think about it. It's like an overflowing bathtub.

My mind is so cluttered up now that I'm not working on anything big. Do new things, think new thoughts, feel new feelings. 

Play on

We all had fun and then the end showed up. It was a little weird, but nobody put up a fight. I think we were all tired. My eyes are turning red around the edges. It feels like a miracle to be standing here, at the side of this shit road covered in taxis and people just as shitty as I am. We're all just trying to get a ride out, man.

Next week I'm calling for the official end of the season. It's been coming anyway. Even if I turn out my pockets I've got nothing left right now.