Everytime I see you in the world

I can't stop thinking or talking about what a insane album this is. I've been listening to this song nearly every day since I heard it for the first time, tripped out on shit at a new girl's house. Not like this is my favourite band in the world right now but after reading their lyrics on RapGenius I can't help but feel awe at how rich their songs are and how similar their world view is to mine, I guess to plenty of other young people out there in the world today who live in cities and question the existence of God, among other things. And they are living, breathing, performing artists and this world is developing in tandem with their commentary of it and I know that in many, many, many years I will listen to this music and today, this month, this year, whatever lay inside of the thin borderlines of the bubble of my youth will come crashing back into me.

This Morning

Once I had a love and it was a gas

Soon turned out had a heart of glass 

Blue

Every day there is a time where the sky is the same colour as the sea and the horizon becomes invisible. Standing on the other side of these glass walls you can imagine the ships floating by are floating not on water but in the sky. 

Time

Every day I look at you I know I love you more and more and it's filling up my body and tingling in the ends of my fingers and toes. 

Horses

We wanted to be pure and beautiful. We sang and we danced, and we listened to music with the volume turned all the way up. We drove our cars fast and looked for experiences bigger than our imaginations. We dug into each other and saw our reflections tenfold. We created a life bigger than ourselves. We laughed together and held each other through feelings.  It was better than being alone, hiding in corners pretending to disappear. The world could have us and we could have the world too. Everything was fine. All we wanted was to stay alive and we could. 

2014

In the new year so far I did the following things:

1. Played beer pong (very poorly)

2. Got drunk 

3. Passed my driving test on the first try

4. Got promoted at my day job 

5. Fell ill

I think I'm kind of done for the year. Or rather I can't see how things could get much better from here. 

In 2013 I did the following things:

• Spent a lot of time in driving class with Mr Yeow who frequently tells me I am "cartoon" "cowgirl" "hero" "smart" "careless" "cute" "stupid" "sotong". I just spent 3.5 hours in the car today.
• Lasted at my day job for much longer than I've ever spent at a job, or expected to. Still falling in and out of love with it, but it treats me well so I cannot possibly complain 
• Made new friends, a lot of new friends. Good friends and bad friends. Some fell out along the way, but the good ones are always hanging around and it only gets better and better.
• Took a lot of flights alone. Went to London twice, cried my eyeballs out at the airport twice. Went to Hong Kong five times or something, hung around tiny apartments and all over Central with Xiu. It gets easier and easier. I pack my bag in the morning and I don't even think about it. But leaving always kicks me with a huge dread and the bite never goes away, I still don't know what it is. The only time I flew with people this year was Bangkok most recently, and Hong Kong before that. Other than that it's just been me and my face masks. It really makes a huge difference traveling with people.
• Saw my grandmother pass away. It was hard seeing her go.
• Listened to an inordinate amount of Bob Dylan, discovered a fierce new love for Vampire Weekend, went to a few festivals where I realised that it's impossible to pick up new music the way I used to
• Drank a lot of beer and wine
• Learned new card games
• Picked up a breakfast habit with my dad, three times a week at either Amoy/Maxwell/Hong Lim 
• Slept less and less and less, with the appropriate dark eyes and eyebags to show for it. 
• Took a lot of taxis, and antihistamines.
• Sank deeper and deeper into the ongoing black hole of a relationship that I am in, with no end in sight... this is s a good thing of course.
• Wrote less and less in my diary, which is bad
• Watched a lot of movies in cinemas, which is immensely enjoyable. Read less books and watched less shit on my laptop, aside from The Sopranos (still haven't started on Season 6)
• Kept the same weight, lost some weight of my face, but mostly I feel like the same person
• Took care of my terrapin through a bad sickness where I had to inject him with vitamins and happily he is now 1.5 years old and very healthy. 
• Watched less movies than ever because I was saving them for watching with people who weren't around a lot... 
• Felt a bit more certain of some things about myself, a lot of questions were brought up this year and largely answered. There will always be some room for interpretation and the idea of the self is a very gray, loose one but I am always working towards continuity and unity and the way to do that is keep focused on the converging and not diverging elements in my life. Of course though there will be ruptures at some point, as there are every day.