Antwerp

Just got back from a two day trip to Antwerp which was planned and booked about four hours before departure, while on the way to Tesco for groceries. This kind of freedom is so precious when it's ending. When I got home this morning I slept, got my hair cut, ran some errands. Booked train tickets and sent some emails. I would like to think that I am 100% happy about about moving on from university, because I feel like I am moving forward another step in my process of self-realization. But I could be hugely wrong about that.

The trip was very pleasant. Antwerp is beautiful and perfect, in a small and old way. I liked it a lot. Photos soon

In Pitch Dark I Go Walking In Your Landscape

It's weird walking around campus knowing that it has all ended. I don't know if I'm happier or sadder about it. Went for Slade's grad show yesterday evening great way to spend a Friday evening.

It feels like a lot of small worries are piling up in my head and preventing me from feeling intensely about anything. Or it could be just the dreams. But talking it out always helps especially the caffeine light-headedness induced type of talking. We were talking about how commitments make a person, and so it makes good sense for us to make certain commitments in our lives but in the end, the only commitments that count for anything and make you anything are only those that you didn't choose. Consciousness is all fog and mirrors.

I'm really going to miss my friends so much

Everything and Anything

"Maybe all our wants are just regrettable necessities, 

maybe productive activity does no better than to satisfy the wants which it generates; 

maybe our net welfare product is tautologically zero."

- Nordaus and Tobin, 1972

Some Crap

It was a good weekend I enjoyed the David Shrigley show at the Hayward Gallery which I visited with my favourite art-loving man friends. 


The Jeremy Dellar bit downstairs depressed all of us a little bit, especially the political stuff which I couldn't even bring myself to glance at. The 3D bat video also made me feel a bit nauseous. The Acid House part reminded me of Mike Nelson's The Coral Reef except a lot less interesting maybe it just felt less immediate because it wasn't as big and elaborate as the other one. When we were walking through all the Dellar stuff the word "hipster" kept ringing through my head, but that doesn't really mean anything because I can't tell what would have preceded the other... necklaces with neon yellow beads are a bit inexcusable though. I thought it was interesting that he explored using 3D media in different ways like with the dangling ViewMasters and the 3D bat video and even embossing machines with titles of his works(?) e.g. "A Range Rover crushed, and made into a bench". I liked that he used so many mediums and that each of his works were so completely different from the other. Sometimes it was hard to recognize any connection in between. 


It felt a bit off to me maybe no fault of the artist but I mean like that I ♥ Melancholy painted on the wall right after exiting the "acid house". It was hand painted and it was kind of obvious where the assistant had to go over the edges of the black paint to make the words look neater and more consistently. Freehand? I don't know, that was probably the most depressing thing. Can't you use a stencil for that or at least try to make sure the correction isn't so obvious? It was totally visible even from the other side of the gallery like a good twenty metres or something. It's a small thing and in the gallery shop I briefly considered buying the sticker for a friend but it still bothers me.


David Shrigley's illustrations/paintings cheered me up a bit because it is just... hilarious stuff. He uses the same type of aesthetic for most of his work which makes it a bit repetitive perhaps but it makes the individual elements come across a lot more strongly. The large cup of tea was really cute Bong and I stood around it and theorized that every day the assistants from the "cafe" in Dellar's exhibition would collect the leftover tea and pour them into Shrigley's giant teacup. Of course that is impossible and a stupid theory.

After eating sub-par ramen noodles along the South Bank we went back to the station, stopping by M&S for something sweet to eat. Out of all the bad habits I have collected since moving away from my parents I think the most expensive and debilitating one is this stupid compulsion to enter every supermarket I pass, either to buy groceries(always eggs and bread and chocolate biscuits) or just random sweets and coke. Based on the pile of receipts which have transitioned from my wallet and various handbags onto my bed right now, I roughly spend half of my allowance in the Tesco along Goodge Street every week. I bought at least 3 packets of fusilli pasta and maybe enough apple juice to fill a swimming pool. The dates on the receipts also show that I have been doing this about 4 times a week which is unhealthy by any standards. I've probably seen Mr. Tesco Team Leader more often than I see my best friends, and I also noticed that he got promoted this year because he used to wear the normal shirt now he wears a checked button up in Tesco colours with a big TEAM LEADER badge on it.

The worst thing about all of this is that for all the time and money I've spent I doubt it has helped me lose any weight like cigarettes or cocaine would.

Haven't even mentioned the mild embarrassment of facing the same friendly checkout guy before and after going to the Hayward Gallery.. bet he thinks I live on pink-coloured carbonated drinks, fizzy Percy Pig tails and Extremely Chocolatey Dark Chocolate Rounds.

I could go on forever about my un-verbalized thoughts but I probably shouldn't.

A$AP Rocky

Killing it.. This b the real niggas in Paris.

0000

DONE WITH SCHOOL FOR LIKE EVER

HELLOOOO PARTY TIME

first order of business: sleep

Bad

I don't like it when there is a disjunct between what I think and what I express, like in situations where what I would do is not what I should do. The reason why I feel this way is because I still think that there is a possibility of perfect unity within a person, between our emotions and thoughts and actions. There is nothing virtuous or noble about doing what seems to be the right thing to do, regardless of whether we want to or not. There is only virtue in the act that is carried out with pleasure and full willingness. Morality is meaningless if it is detached from human desire. "What do you want?". "I want to do the right thing" type of reasoning is flawed for this reason. To actively pursue this type of self-alienation is the most brutal thing a person can do to himself. It is brutal not because it is painful or irrational, but because it is inhumane. 

It is also being dishonest, and therefore being stupid because the truth always prevails, in quiet and mysterious ways and the more you try to suppress it the more obvious it becomes.

Dinner

Not that I need to say but... Everything was beautiful and tasted perfect.

I think fine dining is best enjoyed with friends. I really hate it when I feel awkward about eating. Always ends up with me half-eating my food and not enjoying any of it at all. With family and close friends it's a whole different matter though.. I like to leave a clean plate at the end of the meal, sometimes I can even go for seconds if I feel up for a challenge. Anyway, because there is this relation between my happiness and food, I get quite particular about things when we're dining out. Like if there is a booth seat I will always ask for it, and if I can opt to sit next to rather than opposite my dining partner I would like to do that instead too. With two people it's nice to sit at a corner rather than sitting across from each other, which feels a bit like a job interview. I think tables should always be small enough to ensure that there is no more than an arm's length between you and the closest person.

Dinner by Heston

Call: 020 7201 3833