Once you feel like you are invincible, like you can get anything in the world that you want, that's when you realise that the thing you really want is the one thing you cannot have and then you feel so upset. Upset at what though? Is it just that you want it BECAUSE you cannot have it? Because it makes you obsessed like nothing else? Or are you self sabotaging? Was your initial confidence the lie? Whatever it is, it keeps you wide open at night. You lie in your bed, face up, staring into the abyss.
Being able to face up to my state of confusion is good in the sense that I don't feel so guilty wasting time anymore. It's not like I even know what else to do.