Jingle bells

the holidays are my favourite time of year. For an attention seeking needy baby like myself, being bathed in love and attention for a consecutive number of days and receiving/giving presents is like !!! Kill me now, because I know everything will suck after this. 

I was looking forward to this weekend for so long. It's amazing not being disappointed. 

Obviously

Once you feel like you are invincible, like you can get anything in the world that you want, that's when you realise that the thing you really want is the one thing you cannot have and then you feel so upset. Upset at what though? Is it just that you want it BECAUSE you cannot have it? Because it makes you obsessed like nothing else? Or are you self sabotaging? Was your initial confidence the lie? Whatever it is, it keeps you wide open at night. You lie in your bed, face up, staring into the abyss. 

Being able to face up to my state of confusion is good in the sense that I don't feel so guilty wasting time anymore. It's not like I even know what else to do. 

December 2

I take back everything I said about there being little to do in the office. When one makes a sweeping generalization like that, one creates a golden opportunity for the mischievous prankster forces of universe to assert themselves. And they do, gleefully and masterfully. It is impressive and just as amusing, to you. You don't feel any less like the ultimate creator and narrator of your destiny, even if you are its greatest victim.