Sunday, October 26, 2014

Grow up

What a lot of the older girls tell me is that yeah, there's always going to be somebody that you really really really loved. But he's not going to be the one you married.


Yeah. It'll be sad, but that's how it is.

That's fucking awful. That's the most depressing thing I ever heard.

Chill, it's not that bad. It just means there'll be "the one who got away" and then the one you married, father of your children, whatever. And you'll probably still have a happy marriage and a happy family.

But it won't make any sense right? If there's someone else out there you really loved and you're not with that person?

I don't know. I guess I wouldn't really care. It'll be one of those things you just gotta let go of.


Not love altogether, just that whatever... great big love thing. Maybe it's not even love at all. It could be just like, infatuation and shit.

Then why wouldn't you feel that way about the person you're with? The happy marriage happy family guy?

Because you can't feel that way all the time I guess. You can feel that way about somebody and then remember it after it goes away. And then there's your husband or wife or whoever, and you can't be like oh my god madly in love all the time right? It'll be insane and dysfunctional and tiring. You'll love that person all the time, still, but it'll be a different sort of love. A quiet peaceful kind of love instead of the oh my god i love you kind of feeling.

Okay... I guess. But can't you love the same person both ways? The madly in love way and the quiet thanks for taking care of me way?

I don't think so. There's an element of fantasy involved with feelings of infatuation, right, and that makes it harder to accept the person and the relationship as they really are. And if you can't get over the feeling, you'll never get anywhere real with him. It'll just be crazy expectations and disappointment all the time and you'll both suffer for it. You know what I'm talking about.

Yeah I do. But it's really stupid.


But it's even more stupid to be unable to get over that shit though, if what you're saying is true. If it's a fantasy then you should have the sense to get over that shit and just focus on your family and your husband and the father of your children. You wouldn't have any regrets about that other thing.

It's hard to not have regrets about the other thing though. If it was taken away from you, you'd regret it too.

What if you walk away yourself?

If you walked away yourself? I guess you'd have less to feel sore about, but wouldn't you feel regret there too? I know I would.

I guess I would.


But fuck that. I don't want to have regrets.

And that's why you don't want to give up?


Well, good luck with that then.


Hey. I'm still thinking about what we talked about just now. I don't think I have to end up like that. I don't think anybody has to.

What? Like what?

Like living with regrets. I can't accept something like that.

God, you are really mental. So what are you thinking then?

I'm thinking that there's really a line to draw between infatuation and love. And I'm thinking that everybody who's thinking about "the one who got away" really needs to wake up and throw that shit out of the window. If you love someone you don't nurse regrets about people in the past. It's a distraction, it's a coping mechanism for people who settled for something instead of chasing down and getting what they really wanted.

Dude that is really extreme. Don't say stuff like that.

Why not?

Because everybody lives with their decisions and if this is how they are and how they cope with compromising then fine! You can't tell them all, like, fuck you for giving up and settling. Most people make rational and practical choices and usually, that's not the same thing you've got violent feelings for. And that's life. That's being realistic.

It sounds like giving up.

And you think giving up is a bad thing?

Yeah it is. You shouldn't give anything up. You should be choosing. If you have really strong feelings about something, and it also makes sense rationally and practically, then you don't give up anything, right?

But feelings aren't rational.

No! Why do people keep saying that? If something doesn't make sense, do you feel it?

Yeah, maybe. Like I look at this Burger King advertisement and I feel like I want to eat a burger. That's not rational.

Then do you actually want to eat a burger?

No... I just ate dinner.

Then what do you feel like exactly?

What do you mean?

Do you really feel like you want to eat a burger?

I guess on some level I do, but if you ask me if I want to eat a burger, I guess I don't.

Is that your final conclusion?

Yeah. I shouldn't anyway.

Dammit just answer the question.

No I don't want to eat a burger. What's your point?

I don't know. I guess feelings are confusing. I don't even feel like I want to talk about it anymore.

Let's just go back to what you were saying about giving up. You don't believe in giving up.

Yeah I don't.

Why not?

If you love somebody, you won't give up on them.

What if you have to?

Why would you have to?

You know what life is like, sometimes you just have to give up on the things you want. Some things just aren't meant to be.

Yeah, I know that.

You do?

Yeah, I'm not a child. You're right, people have to give things up all the time. Money, time, freedom, whatever.

Like giving up smoking. You know you have to, even if you don't feel like it at all.

Yeah, exactly. But you don't give up on everything, do you? Are there things you don't give up on?


Yeah, some things are too important to give up on, right? And knowing that makes it easier to give up the stuff that isn't so important, right?

Yeah I guess.

So yeah, isn't true love one of those things?

Maybe. But not for everyone, I think.

What about you?

I don't know. Do you know?

Yeah I do.


Fuck yeah it is! 

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