Princess Kaguya

This weekend all the stuff I planned to do didn't really work out but many unexpectedly nice and intense things happened instead. These days I feel like crying quite often, but somehow I just don't. 

12.15pm

Girl walks through the crowded plaza. There are lots of people walking around, going for lunch, milling about. There's a cafe with black metal / glass doors at the corner of the building. She walks past the bakery display and sandwich line and opens the door. She sits down at the chair next to the window. A young man wearing sunglasses and black cap lifts his head up from his laptop. There's a cup of black coffee on the table that looks like it's gone cold. She picks up the cup and takes a sip. He watches, without taking off his sunglasses. 

Jalan Arnap

All these stupid, hopeless, shapeless, beautiful days have passed.

Who are you now

Amy

A car stops outside the house with a black gate, the passenger seat door opens and a girl walks out. She unlocks the gate, the front door, and walks upstairs to her room. She picks up a pack of cigarettes and walks back down the stairs. She opens the door. There's a thought in her head, but she sees that the car has gone.

Morning situations

I Curse the River of Time

"I was scared. Not of being dead, that I could not comprehend, to be nothing was impossible to grasp and therefore nothing really to be scared of, but the dying itself I could comprehend, the very instant when you know that now comes what you have always feared, and you suddenly realize that every chance of being the person you really wanted to be, is gone for ever, and the one you were, is the one those around you will remember."

June 1

There are things precious to me that have come and gone. There were times when something could have been done about it and times when nothing could be done. The familiar thoughts seem to take their time to leave my mind. But I'm never sure if they've even left at all. And then I wonder, when I think these half ghost thoughts, if their originals had even been there at all, all those years ago. 

Surprises

This weekend I loosened my grip a little. At the start I was nervous. On Saturday, some unexpected and nice things happened. And that brought on a massive wave of relief and happiness. I thought to myself that it was wonderful, feeling that life wasn't just me, all alone, obsessively holding on to all strings, trying to put on the best show ever. The forces of the universe were benevolent and could pick up the slack for me, if I needed it. What a comforting thought to hold, even if it doesn't last.

Dalston